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The novel opens in a dramatic way. A woman called Lydia, in her forties, sees something that startles her so much that she trips and falls, twisting her ankle badly. We learn that she lives in Italy, and next see her back in her apartment where her stepdaughter Chiara is looking after her. Lydia doesn’t want to say what - or who - has shocked her and there’s some good interaction between the two. Clearly they have a positive, caring relationship despite the fact that Lydia’s husband - Chiara’s father - died a few years earlier.
All might have blown over, but in what feels like a massive coincidence (though necessary in order for the story to take place) the person whom Lydia saw turns out to be Ishmael, Chiara’s new love interest. Lydia quickly realises he must be the son of someone she knew decades earlier, called Noah - everything adds up. But still she doesn’t say anything, and this makes no sense until nearly the end of the book.
Lydia’s closest friend and ally is her brother-in-law Fabio, who is sensitive and kind. He says he promised his brother to look after Lydia, and he gently persuades her to tell him what’s on her mind. She shows him photos she’s dug out, of Noah as a teenager, and he looks remarkably similar to Ishmael. And eventually, after much reluctance, she agrees to tell her story…
The novel then jumps back to Lydia’s childhood ('then') in the 1960s. This works very well as a device, rather than using flashback style. It’s a happy time until her father suddenly dies; Lydia is only eight, but her mother becomes clinically depressed and dependent on alcohol, and Lydia has to look after her two-year-old sister Valerie. She’s a resilient, competent and caring child who changes - and even washes - nappies, as well as attempting to look after her mother.
Disaster strikes, and the children end up with their father’s parents whom they had never met. These grandparents are members of a strict and cultic church, and have no desire to house their grandchildren. They expect obedience, lots of work around the house, and no answering back. Lydia is not allowed to read anything other than the Bible. Their grandfather shouts, and sometimes treats them cruelly, sadistically so at times. The other members of the church won’t hear a thing against him… Lydia’s only friend and ally is a slightly eccentric lady known as Sister Lottie.
Then she makes a friend at school. Noah, too, is an orphan and the uncle he lives with is a bohemian artist, about as different as possible from Lydia’s grandparents. Lydia has to sneak out of the house to meet Noah, pretending she’s doing something else. I liked their friendship very much, and the way it slowly, hesitatingly, (but predictably) turns to love.
The writing and characterisation are so good in this novel that I found it almost impossible to put down. It’s nearly 500 pages long, but I read it in just a couple of days. I had no memory at all for the story, so it was as if I were reading it for the first time. I felt Lydia’s tensions, I was rooting for her to get away with her many deceptions. I liked Sister Lottie very much, I loathed her grandfather.
But all the time I was wondering why Lydia was so reluctant to talk about Noah, a couple of decades later, to her stepdaughter. I also wondered why they had evidently parted ways. I found the narrative engrossing as events unfold, more rapidly as the story reaches the climax. Then Lydia starts making assumptions that, I was sure, are unfounded. I didn’t quite see why she doesn’t ask a few more questions, but she’s eighteen by this stage, and what she does is because of her deep love for Noah.
Eventually the novel moves back to the present ('now'), as Lydia comes to the end of her narrative to Fabio. Everything makes sense, and the rest of the story moves forward from then. I thought the structure worked very well, and that the characters - the nice ones, anyway - felt three-dimensional and real. The unpleasant ones are, I hope, caricatures.
Unfortunately, though, there are still cultic churches that practise the kind of leader-worship and strict puritanism that happens in this book. Dreadful things are sometimes done in the name of religion. But Erica James doesn’t seem to be anti-religion (or anti-God) as such; she portrays some delightful people such as Lottie, who has a deep and caring faith. She also portrays, in passing, likeable, kind folk from Catholic and Anglican churches.
As well as being a good story, the plot raises questions about choices that affect our lives, and about guilt. Lydia feels guilty for years, for instance, about something she asked her mother for, which, she believes, led to tragedy. Noah feels some guilt, too, about events in his past. There’s a lot to think about, and I found myself wondering what might have happened if Lydia had not leapt to conclusions when she was eighteen, before she lost touch with Noah.
My only gripe about the book is that it seems rather sordid in places. Some of this is necessary - I thought the portrayal of Lydia’s classmate Donna was excellent, for instance. But in other places I found myself cringing, wondering why sections were included. I was particularly disappointed to come across a detailed scene of intimacy later in the book, something that the author usually avoids. When I have come to feel that two characters are like friends I know well, I really don’t want to know what they get up to in private.
So I won’t lend this to younger teenage friends. That’s a pity in a way, as most of the narrative takes place when Lydia is a child and teenager, and there are some interesting issues that arise, relevant to teens. However, to older teens and adults who like Erica James’ novels, and who don’t mind some sordid details, I would recommend it.
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