Putting away childish things (by David A Seamands)

(Amazon UK link)

I know very little about the late David A Seamands, other than brief biographies online. He was a missionary as a young man, and then ordained in the United Methodist Church, where he worked as a senior pastor and then as an advisor. At some point we were given his book ‘Putting Away Childish Things’, and when I first read it I thought it excellent. I read it again in 2007 and, similarly, felt that his ideas and principles were very sound. 

I decided it was time to read the book again, from the perspective of seventeen years later. There were controversies about the author; but we're all flawed. So although I did mention them in the other reviews, I don't think now they relevant to the content of the book. The subtitle of my edition is: ‘reprogram old behavior patterns that are holding you back.’ - with spellings that are a reminder that the book is written by an American, primarily for an American audience. But it’s relevant to everyone. And while written from a strongly Christian perspective, many of the author’s comments could apply to anyone.

The main thesis is that when we overreact or feel a strong sense of anger or shame, as adults, it may be the result of our inner child, not yet grown up. The author admits that this sounds a bit like psychobabble, and he’s not recommending psychological methods on the whole; more a cleansing by the Holy Spirit as we bring past events and memories to the surface.

The first couple of chapters outline these ideas. Seamonds explains that it can be a long process healing memories, particularly for those who had very traumatic childhoods. But we all probably have the remnants of a ‘hidden child’ who comes to the surface in stressful moments. 

He then embarks on specifics that may be causing problems. The first of these is ‘mottos’, or sayings we heard in childhood and have never really refuted. He gives the example of boys not crying, and explains how important it is for all of us to be able to express grief or sadness, by crying if necessary, without feeling any sense of shame. Another motto he mentions is one I never heard, but which the author seems to think was common - ‘Measure up’. He says that some parents imply that their love is conditional on their children’s academic (or sporting or other) performance, rather than because they are loved for who they are. I’m very thankful that I was not subject to this kind of emotional abuse as a child. 

The book moves on, citing childish ideas about love and marriage which can sabotage real love; about false teaching relating to the will of God; about praying like small children rather than mature adults. Which is not to say that we shouldn’t have the natural trust and willingness of small children, but that (among other things) we shouldn’t expect God to be like a heavenly Santa Claus, doling out rewards to those who have been ‘good’. 

I read one or two chapters of the book each day; there are twelve in all, each somewhat complete in itself but also building on earlier chapters. I thought the writing very good. There are some anecdotes from the author’s own life, both his personal life and (with names changed) from the experiences and reports of those whom he counselled or worked with over the years. 

I think the most significant part of the book to me this time was the clear explanation of what ‘self-surrender’ means in the Christian life. It’s not about being a doormat, or about expecting our personalities to change. It’s not about expecting to have to do things we don’t want to do, or even blind obedience, or expecting guidance about every little detail of our lives. Instead, it’s about allowing God to guide our paths, to nudge our consciences, as we become - hopefully - the best version of ourselves that we were created to be. 

Overall, I thought this an excellent book, and would recommend it to believers, or anyone interested in the topic, if you don’t mind the many Christian references. 

  Review copyright 2024 Sue's Book Reviews