The Horizontal Epistles of Andromeda Veal (by Adrian Plass)

(Amazon UK link)

I’m glad I decided to re-read my fictional books by Adrian Plass; I finished the wonderful ‘Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass aged 37 ¾’  about six weeks ago, and thoroughly enjoyed it all over again. In the last couple of days I’ve re-read the sequel, ‘The Horizontal Epistles of Andromeda Veal’, which I last read in 2017.

I knew the story, such as it is, of course. Andromeda, a small and determined girl is in hospital with her leg in traction, after breaking her femur. She writes a letter to the fictional Adrian’s wife Anne, asking if she can write to her. Andromeda’s father left them after some arguments, and her mother has gone with a friend to Greenham Common, to protest against cruise missiles. This was a significant issue in the 1980s when this book was published, but I think even those who don’t recall the crisis would get the point. Andromeda’s mother is so caught up in political fighting and trying to save the world that she doesn’t have time for her lonely daughter.

Anne is very touched, and sends Andromeda several addresses, as well as some envelopes and stamps. Despite being flat on her back Andromeda manages to write a lot of letters to different people in the church, and some famous people too. In the introduction, Adrian says he gathered together all the letters which Andromeda had kept, and also as many of her originals as he could find from amongst the recipients. 

I wasn’t all that keen on this book when I first read it, feeling that it didn’t begin to compare with the first ‘Sacred Diary’ book. And certainly it isn’t as funny; there’s a deeply poignant thread in Andromeda’s loneliness, despite the attempts by her mother’s friend Glenda to indoctrinate her into militant feminism. Andromeda longs for affection, and would really like a doll… 

However there are some very amusing sections, partly in Andromeda’s frequent misuse of words and phrases, and partly in snippets of Adrian’s ‘diary’ which are sent to her.  I think her spelling is exaggeratedly bad for a child of eight, and some of her malapropisms unlikely for an intelligent girl (would she really think a celibate monk was a ‘halibut nunk’?  Would she continue to misspell people’s names even when they write to her…?  It’s done for the sake of humour, but although the vocabulary is good, the spelling reminded me of that of a five-year-old.  

It’s a minor niggle; I had to slow down to read Andromeda’s letters, and that was not a bad thing. Some of her misunderstandings or mistakes made me smile. And on the whole I liked reading this - it’s not a long book, less than 200 pages, with some of it in quite large print. 

There are low-key Christian points made about God’s love and forgiveness; Andromeda herself, in her innocence, points a finger at some of the reasons that churches split or don’t recognise each other. The writers of the letters are friends of Adrian’s and Anne’s in their church so it’s hardly surprising. There are also some slightly risque references here and there which Andromeda is clearly entirely unaware of. 

I didn’t have a problem with understanding who the famous people were - politicians or church leaders, mainly - but those who weren’t adults in the UK in the 1980s might struggle to understand some of the references. With that proviso, I would recommend this highly - but do read the first ‘Sacred Diary’ book first, to understand who the characters are.

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