It’s only a little over two years since I read Laurie Frankel’s novel ‘This is how it always is’. I thought it a wonderful book, which covered some significant contemporary issues with empathy, poignancy and some humour too. I recommended it as a good discussion starter for our local book group, and it was allocated for this month.
(Amazon UK link)
Since I had read the book so recently, and recalled the basic plot and characters, I wasn’t planning to read it again prior to the meeting. But on Saturday, after finishing the last book I was reading, I picked it up, to remind myself of the opening chapters. I thought I might skim the first hundred pages or so, and maybe dip into the rest.
I got so caught up in the story and enjoyed the characterisation and conversations so much that I read the entire book again. It’s not a short novel - over 400 pages - and I didn’t manage to finish it again before the meeting on Monday, but by then I had re-read three-quarters of it; I finished the rest later in the evening, and yesterday. I loved it just as much as I did the first time; possibly more, as I could remember the main storyline and was therefore less tense about what might have been coming.
It’s a story about a delightfully bohemian, loving family in the United States. Rosie is a doctor, Penn a writer who works from home. Rosie is the main earner of the family, while Penn does most of the cooking, laundry and general housework, as well as taking children to and from school or other activities. When the book opens they have four sons: Roo, Ben, and the twins Rigel and Oriel. But it’s clear that they are about to conceive a fifth. There’s humour and drama right at the start, as Rosie tries several folk-lore or superstitious methods to conceive a girl.
But the result is Claude. They love him, and he’s a great addition to the family. They’re all unusual children, in their way. Roo loves sport, and also plays the flute very well. Ben is a geek, highly intelligent and far ahead of everyone else in his class, academically. The twins are creative, inventive and loyal to each other. Rosie and Penn have a philosophy of saying ‘yes’ for almost anything, so long as it doesn’t hurt the child or someone else. And while there are inevitable family squabbles, there’s a lot of love, too. And a bedtime story, a fairytale created by Penn, which is ongoing and forms a kind of metaphor for the whole novel.
However when Claude turns five, his parents realise there’s something extra about him - something different, which they deal with extremely well. Unfortunately not all their neighbours and friends are so flexible or accepting, and there are some very unpleasant scenes before they decide to pack up and move to a more liberal State, which is fine for a while…
It’s a book about parenting, about unconditional love, about the unfair differences between expectations of boys and girls, of men and women. There’s an interlude in Thailand which is revealing in more than one way, as Rosie works temporarily in a makeshift hospital without any of the equipment or drugs she would expect in an American hospital. And it helps her - and her youngest child - see their issues and the future options in a more relaxed, open way.
The author has managed, in this remarkable book, to demonstrate a controversial issue through her characters in ways that educate, enlighten and enable empathy. No doubt there are those who would disagree, but for anyone with a reasonably open mind, or who is willing to have possible prejudices or ignorance challenged, I would recommend this book very highly. It falls under the women’s fiction category, but could be read by anyone, older teenagers, and adults of any gender (or lack thereof).
I’m pleased to report that the book was liked by everyone in the reading group, and it certainly provoked some interesting discussion. There are some questions intended for reading groups at the back of the book, but by the time we looked at them we realised we had already discussed almost all of the issues that were suggested.
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