Loving Against the Odds (by Rob Parsons)

I wanted something light-weight but thought-provoking to read first thing in the morning. I checked my list on LibraryThing, of Christian books I had rated highly but hadn’t read for a while, and ‘Loving Against the Odds’ seemed like a good one to re-read. I last read it in 2006, so hadn’t really remembered anything much, other than that it’s a general book about loving in difficult circumstances. It’s particularly aimed at married couples, but most of the principles hold for any kind of relationship.

The author, Rob Persons, is the founder and chair of ‘Care for the Family’. This is a charity, whose aim is to support and strengthen families. The author had clearly had a great deal of experience in counselling and helping people struggling in their marriages, and much of that comes out in the book. He gives practical advice on a range of topics, and intersperses them with anecdotes. Some of them are quite personal, from his own marriage and family, and some are from incidents involving people who have written or spoken to him.

The style is very engaging. The author is a Christian and believes in marriage as a life-long commitment, although he acknowledges that sometimes marriages have broken down irretrievably. But his aim in this book is to help couples through some of the common tricky spots, encouraging them to communicate more effectively, and to find ways of dealing with difficult circumstances.

In doing this, Rob Parsons brings to light various issues that people might be afraid to mention. Sometimes we keep quiet about difficulties, thinking we are the only ones going through them. If only people were more open, those in similar circumstances would feel more able to ask for help.

There’s a chapter, for instance, on finances - a problem that can hit anyone, whether due to unemployment, or low-paid work, or poor management of money. The author mentions people who ignored red bills, or stuffed demands into drawers, afraid to mention them to their spouses. In addition to advising anyone to acknowledge financial difficulties at the start, the author gives some practical ways of budgeting, of keeping track of spending, and - if necessary - of arranging to pay off debts in manageable amounts.

There are chapters, too, on the importance of appreciation; on arguing or fighting, and the importance of expressing feelings; on ways of expressing intimacy, and on forgiveness. There’s some theory, of course, and some Scripture quotation, but the bulk of the book is solid, practical and down-to-earth advice. It comes across as realistic because the author mentions his own difficulties, temptations and - sometimes - failures in many aspects of his marriage and parenting.

Although the ethos is Christian, and the author’s standpoint is clearly that of trying to help couples stay together if at all possible, his faith isn’t pushed at all: it’s not a book of preaching or evangelism. It could be a useful book for people to read in the early years of a relationship, before any real problems arise; it’s a good book, as I’ve discovered, to read after four decades of marriage. There are principles to take not just into married life but also relevant for parenting and grand-parenting, and in dealing with friends and their families too.

So, all in all, I would recommend this highly to anyone who is having any kind of struggle in a close relationship or who would like to take steps to prevent difficulties overwhelming them when they do occur.

Review copyright 2020 Sue's Book Reviews