The Life You've Always Wanted (by John Ortberg)

(Amazon UK link)

I do like re-reading John Ortberg’s books. I last read ‘The Life you’ve always wanted’ in 2017 but had forgotten what it was about. The author explains in the introduction: it’s essentially a book about spiritual disciplines. But, he hastens to add, that doesn’t mean developing dry rituals, or becoming stuck in rigid requirements. 

To be more specific, he’s not talking about spending hours every day reading the Bible just for the sake of being more spiritual. He points out that a disciplined person isn’t someone who is rigid about their lifestyle, or who never does anything spontaneous. A disciplined person is one who exercises self-control, who radiates peace, and patience, and the other fruits of the spirit. The aim of this is to become more Christlike. But that’s not something we can achieve overnight, and may seem too daunting to consider. 

Discipline, Ortberg goes on to explain, means being prepared to work at something we can do, in the hope of being able to do something that we can’t currently do, no matter how hard we try. He gives the example of musicians who have had to do many thousands of hours of practice, some of it quite tedious, in order to be able to play their instruments proficiently. The discipline is in the regular practice; it allows the beauty of music, the ability to play new pieces quickly, and the gift of entertaining or accompanying others to a high standard.

The rest of the book looks at different ‘disciplines’, and the first one is that of being joyful. The author describes the joy of one of his small daughters, who would run around and repeat, ‘Doo dah day’ when she was happy. He points out that Christians are not supposed to be miserable - joy is one of the fruits of the spirit. And he suggests ways of looking at the world to increase joy, including deliberately stopping and admiring beauty around us. 

The next chapter is about eliminating the need to hurry. He recommends disciplines such as choosing the longest line at the supermarket, rather than the shortest. Or deliberately driving in the slowest lane on the motorway rather than hurrying to overtake, zig-zagging in and out. Or letting our children take their time rather than rushing them if we want to go out. Some of what he says may be a bit tongue-in-cheek, but I found this quite challenging. He also mentions the need for solitude, both brief periods daily, and sometimes longer sessions. 

With all these ‘disciplines’, and others that follow in subsequent chapters, what the author gives are suggestions or recommendations, not rigid requirements. The aim is not to check boxes, or to score points, but to become closer to God, more loving to those around us, and to develop the fruits of the spirit. Someone who is naturally patient may not need to eliminate hurry - indeed, they might sometimes need the reverse, to focus more on time-keeping for the sake of their families and friends.

There’s a chapter about prayer - about chatting to God about whatever is on our minds. John Ortberg recommends beginning with no more than five minutes daily, something that most of us can probably manage. There’s a chapter about humility, something quite difficult to achieve since it’s so easy to take pride in our efforts. As soon as we’re comparing ourselves with others, looking down on those who are not humble, we’ve lost our sense of humility. Ortberg recommends service as a discipline to help us learn genuine humility. 

Not everything will apply to everyone, but I was challenged to keep several of his ‘disciplines’ in mind. The practice of meditating on a single verse of Scripture off and on through the day, for instance, rather than just reading the Bible for general information and inspiration. Or the importance of remembering that everything we do - whether overtly spiritual or not - can be done in ways that we think Jesus might do it. 

There’s so much more in this book. I read just a chapter at a time, to give me a chance to ponder some of the suggestions the author makes. They’re not heavy going at all. Ortberg includes a lot of anecdotes about his family and other situations, which lighten the tone a bit, and also shed extra light on what he’s writing about. He is honest and open about his own failings and tendencies, too - how he tends to rush and get impatient; how he sometimes puts his own wishes ahead of those around him. 

All in all, I thought this very thought-provoking. It’s the third time I’ve read it, so maybe some of the recommendations might finally become part of my life. 

At the back is a study guide, which could be useful for small groups working through the book together. 

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