How I met my son (by Rosalind Powell)

(Amazon UK link)

Sometimes I visit a church book sale, and pick up a handful of books that look interesting. I don’t mind paying 50 cents for experiments; if I don’t like a book, I can always donate it back for someone else. One of the books I found, three years ago, was ‘How I met my son’ by Rosalind Powell.  The subtitle is ‘ A journey through adoption’, but I must have forgotten that when I pulled it off my shelf to read, as I had been expecting a novel.

It turns out that this book was written by the author, who is a journalist, wanting to chart her experiences with adoption. She says at the start that she had read glowing accounts, and some dire accounts, but not much that gave a balanced account, positive and negative. She also wanted something that would explain the entire process from start to finish, at least as she experienced it. 

So the book is part autobiographical, and part informational. It’s extremely well-written, so even though we had never really considered adoption ourselves, I found it very interesting. The early chapters chart her life as a young woman, enjoying partying and playing around, through her marriage and the frustration of being unable to conceive. She and her husband then spend a lot of money on IVF, again with disappointing results. 

It’s not a spoiler to say these things. It’s clear from the beginning that they will eventually adopt a boy, and the story explains what they went through to achieve their goal. I knew there were extensive checks made, of course; but I had not realised how very intrusive they can be. Rosalind Powell has a friendly social worker whom they like, but even so she finds it quite draining to have to give details about every aspect of their lives, over the course of many months. She is honest about the emotional highs and lows that she experienced, sometimes in despair, sometimes hopeful, often unsure as to whether they will be able to go through with it. 

In between the biographical account that slowly moves forward, there are chapters delving into aspects of adoption: the legal processes, the history of adoption, the way it works with non-traditional families, and more. I thought I might skim some of these sections but found them so interesting that I read everything, despite being eager to read on to find out more of the author’s story. The factual chapters are peppered with anecdotes, giving examples from other people’s experiences, and that’s what makes it so very readable.

Names, of course, have been changed. Some of the situations have, too. Even the author’s own adopted son’s name has been changed, and she deliberately stops the account when he reaches the age of ten. She recounts some of her conversations with him, as a young child, and also as he matures. She’s open about his background, and tries to answer his questions. Some of the conversations show her stress, as she says things that are not necessarily helpful - this would, I’m sure, be very encouraging for others who might wish they hadn’t responded to their children a certain way. 

Theirs is an adoption that evidently works well, on the whole - the issues that come up, in many cases, are typical for children of her son’s age, rather than being specifically related to his adoptive status. But there are extra problems that may arise, some of which I had never thought of. There’s a deep trauma, it’s thought, about any child, however young, abandoned by (or taken away from) their mother. There’s a sense of being passed around, if they go to several foster homes, or are fostered for a year or two before being adopted by someone else. There are questions about birth parents, and sometimes innocent questions from those around that can cause pain or turmoil.

The needs of the child are paramount nowadays, which is as it should be. Parents are challenged to be certain that they want to do this, and that they’re capable of dealing with children who might have been neglected or abused. Some adopted children have severe learning difficulties; some have physical disabilities; some are angry and can become violent. Some may be depressed, or over-compliant. All are likely to be challenging. 

I loved reading the story, and I’ve also learned quite a bit about the process of adoption - and what a long, stressful journey it is for all involved. Of course the laws are different in different countries, and even within the UK (where this book is based) rules and requirements can vary between different parts of the country, and may change as new situations come to light. But I would recommend this highly to anyone thinking about adopting, even if your situation is quite unlike those of this family. And if you’re not considering adoption, but  like well-written, interesting biographical books, this is, in my view, an excellent and unusual one to read.

Highly recommended. 

Review copyright 2024 Sue's Book Reviews