A friend of the family (by Titia Sutherland)

(Amazon UK link)

I do like Titia Sutherland’s novels, and am very pleased that I decided to reread them after over two decades. I last read ‘A friend of the family’ in 2003, so did not remember anything about it - not even the final outcome.

Kate is the main character. I don’t think her age is mentioned anywhere; it isn’t really relevant, but I suppose she must be in her early thirties. We learn quickly that she is having a trial separation from her husband Matt. She misses him, but quite appreciates her independence. They share the care of their ten-year-old son Jake, but Kate usually has him in term-time. 

Jake is a sensitive and very believable boy. He is interested in technology, although as this book was published in 1995, it seems quite basic and primitive compared to what we have thirty years later. He enjoys his weekends with his father, whom he idolises, but feels very disturbed that his parents are not together. And he hates the feeling that he’s not included in all their conversations, and that he doesn’t know what’s going on, even when he’s involved.

Matt and Kate have a good friend called Roly. He’s quite a complex character, as gradually becomes clear over the course of the book. We first meet him parked in Kate’s street when she’s returning from an evening out. She’s puzzled to see his car, but assumes he’s been visiting someone else. She and he have taken to spending a lot of time together and she sees him as a close platonic friend, almost like a brother. Indeed, he’s a good friend of her brother Charlie. 

Roly is also kind and sympathetic, and gets along very well with Jake. He’s undemanding, and gentle, and good company: he has a dry sense of humour, and tends to joke a fair amount, which is what Kate needs as she can get quite lonely. 

Unfortunately, Roly is also passionately in love with Kate. And he’s convinced that, the more he makes himself important to her, the more likely she is to reciprocate. He kept his feelings well under control for some months, but by the time the story begins he’s expressed his love, and she has - gently and kindly - explained that while she is extremely fond of him, and values him highly, she doesn’t love him in the way he wishes. 

This makes Roly become slightly unbalanced, and he starts stalking Kate. Not in a spooky or dangerous way, but keeping an eye on her, wanting to know if there’s some other man in her life. And sure enough, she starts seeing Niall, who is not a particularly likeable man at all. He doesn’t like children and is quite rude to Jake when he meets him. He’s clearly manipulative, possibly narcissistic. Kate knows she doesn’t want a long-term relationship with him, and she doesn’t even much like him. But she finds him oddly attractive at the same time, and he can be extremely charming…

Bizarrely, Kate and Matt have agreed that they can have other relationships during their separation, and that they don’t need to mention them to each other. Matt has been lightly involved with several young women, so Kate doesn’t feel guilty about her liaison with Niall. She doesn’t want it to get serious, yet finds it quite hard to bring it to an end or to let go.

It’s a character-driven book, and I found all the different people to be well-drawn and three-dimensional. I didn’t like Niall at all, and was hoping that Kate would manage to give him up. I did like Roly, and found his descent into a kind of mental illness to be quite disturbing, particularly in the second half of the book. Matt is perhaps the least three dimensional of the main male characters, but his conversations - and arguments - with Kate ring true. 

I also very much liked Jake, who is an excellent addition to the book. It’s not easy to give so many viewpoints in a balanced way, but Titia Sutherland manages it. There are more shadowy minor characters such as Kate’s parents and some of her friends, but they feel real rather than caricatured.

The last few chapters of the book are quite tense, as something happens to disturb what looks like a positive and happy ending. Again, I thought this very well done. Perhaps the final chapter is a tad too neat and tidy, but it leaves the way open for positive friendships in the future.

'A friend of the family' is long out of print, but sometimes available second-hand. 

Review copyright 2025 Sue's Book Reviews