Everybody's normal till you get to know them (by John Ortberg)

(Amazon UK link)

I always find John Ortberg’s books to be inspiring and encouraging, and I appreciate re-reading them from time to time. I last read ‘Everybody’s normal till you get to know them’ in 2016 so it was time for another re-read. As with most books of this kind, I hadn’t remembered much about it although I hope the general themes and principles were somewhere in my subconscious from previous readings.

John Ortberg is an American Baptist pastor, but not of the right-wing or fundamentalist kind. He writes well, with some gentle humour and a few incidents from his family life. Some of them show him in a less than flattering light, which makes him seem believable, approachable, and open. 

The theme of the book is that we all have our quirks, that if you dig deep enough, probably everybody has things they’re ashamed of, or afraid of. God loves us all, no matter what, and our job is to love and care for each other. Indeed, we need each other - and despite being a self-avowed Swedish-heritage Introvert, the author is enthusiastic about the need for community. 

The book opens with a chapter about porcupines - not an animal that I’ve ever seen, but the principle of prickliness holds for hedgehogs too. Ortberg builds a picture of these animals who make it very difficult for anyone to get close, and likens people to porcupines. The image is clear and all too uncomfortably true.  This chapter sets the tone for the rest of the book, gently nudging readers into considering their own ‘prickles’. 

Different chapters cover aspects of getting closer to those around us. There are three broad sections, the first one exploring our concept of ‘normality’ and concluding that it doesn’t exist - or perhaps that it’s an unrealistic standard. The second section is about getting close without getting hurt and covers such useful themes as acceptance and authenticity, both very important.

The final section goes a bit deeper into what we need to develop and keep relationships, including a chapter on conflict, and how to handle problems when they arise. Forgiveness and inclusion are also covered.  

The audience is intended to be Christian believers, or at least those sympathetic to the Christian ideal; there are several quotations from Scripture and re-telling of some of the Biblical stories in the author’s distinctive style. He might possibly offend some Biblical literalists, as he takes the culture and customs into the context of the day, and is quite loose in his interpretations. I found his re-telling to be helpful in shedding new light on the possible meanings of some of these incidents. But those not familiar with the Bible might find them confusing. 

As I write a few hours after finishing the last pages, I’m not sure I recall any specific anecdotes or teaching from the book even after having spent the last month reading a few pages each day. Most days, anyway. But I enjoyed re-reading it at the time. I appreciated the writing and the sentiments, and I hope I’m reminded to be less prickly myself, and to be more open and authentic in pursuing and continuing relationships with those around me.

Definitely recommended. 

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