If My Father Loved Me (by Rosie Thomas)

(Amazon UK link)

I saw the book ‘If my father loved me’ on a church bookstall nearly a year ago. I vaguely remembered having read a couple of books by Rosie Thomas before, though I didn’t recall whether or not I liked them. But I was drawn to the cover, the byline (‘Is it ever too late to forgive?’) and the blurb on the back. So I paid my fifty pence and it has sat on my to-be-read shelf for many months.

I finally decided, at the end of last week, to read it. I am so glad I did. I was drawn into the storyline almost immediately. The book is narrated by Sadie, a woman in her fifties and we meet her having dinner with her best friend Mel. Sadie comments that her father was a perfumer, and also a con artist. She’s evidently rather guarded in what she says about her dad; it’s also clear that her childhood was nowhere near as happy as Mel’s was.

When Sadie arrives home, she is greeted by her student daughter Lola and twelve-year-old son Jack with the news that her father has been taken to hospital after a heart attack. This shocking event and its aftermath are the catalyst for Sadie digging into the past to learn more about what actually happened in her childhood, and whether or not her father had any affection for her at all.

Sadie is divorced, through her own fault, but she still has a reasonably good relationship with her former husband who has remarried himself. However she’s well aware that Jack needs his father, and feels somewhat pushed out by his father’s new wife and young family.

The writing is good, with a pace that exactly suited my tastes. There are flashback moments, as Sadie recalls incidents from her past, and they meld smoothly with the main narrative. There is quite a large cast of characters but they are distinct enough that I had few problems remembering who was whom.

While Sadie is caught up trying to come to terms with her childhood, her relationship with her son seems to be getting gradually worse. He’s not particularly happy in school, but takes a fancy to an elderly woman who appears briefly in their lives; I didn’t entirely understand why Sadie was so unhappy about this connection, but when the woman’s connection to her father is finally unravelled, it was no great surprise to me.

There’s a low-key romantic element to the book; Sadie gradually gets to know one of her son’s teachers, and while he’s not the kind of person she would normally be attracted to, a friendship gradually develops. Mel, too, finally meets someone she can love - someone who measures up to her own idea of perfection.

The book looks, through the explorations and discussions, at different parenting styles. Mel’s childhood was about as idyllic as possible, and this has left her comparing everyone unfavourably with her father. Sadie, by contrast, grew up with a series of ‘aunties’, and never felt as if her father cared for her at all. This has made her over-protective of her son in a way that he hates. However Sadie’s daughter, who went through a wildly rebellious stage in her teens, has turned into a very likeable young woman.

Twenty years ago I might have found this story slow-moving and too introspective. But reading it now, in my late fifties, I thought it a wonderful book and would recommend it highly to anyone who enjoys thoughtful character-based women's fiction.

Review copyright 2019 Sue's Book Reviews