Parenting your adult child (by Ross Campbell and Gary Chapman)

(Amazon UK link)

The author Ross Campbell wrote my favourite books about parenting, including coining the idea of an 'emotional tank'; Gary Chapman wrote the books about love languages. They've teamed up for this one, about relating to adult children, so I was expecting a powerful book.

I bought 'Parenting your adult child' when I was about to become an 'empty-nester' last Summer. I wondered if it would help me come to terms with the new phase of life. Skimming it, I realised it wasn't like that at all. Instead it seemed, at first glance, to focus primarily on the problems that can arise when adult children don't leave the nest. So it sat on my shelves for a while

Recently I decided to read it anyway. And, indeed, it does cover many aspects of relating to adult children. It describes problems with children in their twenties who drift, never leaving home; or who don't want independence; or who treat their parents as doormats.

I don't have any of those problems, I'm thankful to say. But still I found it very interesting in understanding better how younger people think, and why the traditional model of the empty nest is no longer so appropriate. There is advice in dealing with behaviour problems, with boyfriends/girlfriends, with in-laws, with money... and one about what we leave our children as legacies, not just financial but moral and spiritual too.

The book is very well written, with anecdotes from the authors' experience (with names changed) and plenty of solid, clear advice. My only quibble was that on almost every page was a suggestion about going to counselling to resolve problems - but for some that may, of course, be appropriate.

I did also note that the book is ten years old, so their categories of 'baby-boomers' (as parents) and 'Generation X' (as the young adult children) is no longer so accurate. But much of what was said is still very relevant.

All in all, I'd highly recommend this book to anyone with adult (or nearly adult) children, particularly if you are having any problems with them. It's written from a clearly Judaeo-Christian perspective, but relevant to anyone.

Review copyright Sue's Book Reviews, 18th May 2009